2021 放著就當日記。

皮製的側背包橫躺在宿舍雜亂的桌上,旁邊有散落著的發票,從克拉克夫帶回來的噴火龍,還有一罐維他命。

桌子亂好久了,但我無從發現。原來,過去的一個月,我已經活在我的生活以外,當我睜開眼看著世界,我沒有看見自己的空間。

時鐘用五倍速轉著,像個受傷的跑者,我失去了配速,我被人群遺落,我孤單的喘氣,像一隻受傷的野獸。

我有時候早上早一點起床,嘗試吞下蕭詒徽的文字,或是李維菁的書寫。但那好像都被掩蓋在風塵之外,字裡行間的靈魂被抽乾,理當細嚼慢嚥的我,狼吞虎嚥。唯一給我力氣的,大概也只是濾掛咖啡。還有維他命。

早上的例行公事是拆了筆電的充電器就走,化妝時我也看不到自己了,因為那也不是給自己看的。畢竟連所有的文字都不是面對我的。當我走進萬花筒,才發現站在萬花筒裡所見是幻象;當我提筆寫下愛,才發現他們口中的愛是流量。

「誒,問你,記者素質,真的好嗎?」

那一天,有人這樣問了我,在名為花園的桌前。心中被重重一擊,電流竄過,我嘗試抵擋那樣的攻擊,但我在那裡,只是一隻被訓服的動物,沒有力量,連我寫的文字都不屬於我。我的名字不屬於我。

先當作是開頭,送給任何一個路過的人的文字。不要被馴服,不要把自己遺失在名為愛自己的謊言裡,好嗎?


pc: 《心之谷》劇照/「月島雯,你的便當怎麼比別人的大!」

「好像一直走下去,就能通往我的故鄉。」


你有一個玻璃鏡子裡的戀人。

午夜閉上眼的時候、在路上曬太陽的時候、站在陽台遠眺著夕陽的時候,只要想念,你就可以在腦中重播千萬次玻璃戀人的畫面。因為這樣,你時常想著,原來人類的大腦這麼精密,可以把憧憬的臉記得深刻。

你們不常見面,通常見面也不是因為彼此,只是因為彼此的朋友,所以才能因緣際會見面。第一次見面的時候,你就欣賞這人,但也就僅止於此。你們互動的方式就像跳華爾滋,迴旋著,像在大富翁的盤上移動,卻永遠走不完一圈 …


Last night, Tina and I talked a lot about embracing the opportunities and achievements we’ve made, cause embracing the good things in life could be easy and hard at the same time. I was really happy for her when she told me she got the chance to keep working at the high school next semester as a formal teacher, since I knew it was pretty hard and there were lots of competitors to beat over, however she made it, and to be honest, I wasn’t surprised. She’s been flexible, smart, talented and passionate about education for a long time, if…


summarizing some summer internship and journalism stuff

I kind of hate cliches, but “life’s a box of chocolate” could be the best description of my summer vacation so far.

the tiny recording room in my company, pc: Evelyn Yang

I decided to study my master’s last August, started to collect books and prepared for exams in September and took part in the graduate school interviews in October. More preparations, more exams and interviews followed in the late 2019 and the fresh new beginning of 2020.

The start of 2020 did not seem to be so fresh because I was working on the same stuff overlapping an old and a new…

Evelyn Yang

evelyn.cartoon@outlook.com 📍Taiwanese •film-life-studying-traveling•

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