dear e:
this is the second week of the last semester as a senior, and as an undergraduate student.
everything seems to be the same, yet everything is not quite the same
the first and second week i had the basketball practices, the dashing and requesting for registration codes and lots of laughters
and of course netflix and youtubes
before the school started, the first graduate school announced the list of students they accepted
i was suddenly in great relief that finally i have somewhere to go after college
but then a week after that another school announced its list and i was on it again, my relief and reality messed up together that my mind began to struggle — where should i go, what should i fight for, what is the destination?
i spent forty hours figuring out the pros & cons of two paths, then the final one lifted, i knew i had to go on with the journey, the ending is yet to come
sitting inside the preparation room, i chose the same seat two months ago and receive another name tag (the blue paper)
then i refused to look at any sheets i brought for the interview
the weird feeling is that, i felt like i’ve prepared too long and there was no need to prepare more for the interview
i don’t know about the interviews anymore
i don’t know what should be prepared ahead since the info was mostly imprinted in my head, if i’m not ready, how will i ever be ready?
the staff for the interview told me not to be worried since i’d already been accepted by another great school
but as i knew what i was there for, things were totally different
my ambitions, my goals, my efforts, my aspirations
and i was one step away “fake it”
i told myself, if i don’t know the consequences, at least i could fake it, and later would know if i make it
things were simple and complex, but all at once beautiful and fragile
the interviewers were stable, experienced professors who seemed to understand too well about my answers
those seeds in my heart i knew too well, they knew those too
the weather was pretty damn bad this morning, no sunlight but gray skies and heavy humidity
then the sun came out and the breezes to some extent ease my mood
the journey is in its last mile and i hope for the best
:)
